Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
