Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
