Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
