I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
