sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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