So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
