Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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