im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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