Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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