you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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