he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize