Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
