dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
