Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
