In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
