Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
