yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
