Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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