you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
