Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
