I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
