We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
