I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
