the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
