Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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