Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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