The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
