Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
