I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
