I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
