I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
