Cold hands, warm shart.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
