His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
