i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
