I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
