If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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