The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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