He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
