i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
