I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
