Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
