Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
