Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
