Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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