You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
