so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
