Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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