No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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