I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
