eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
