I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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