I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
