good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
