You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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