People with herpes should wear stickers.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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