I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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