I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
