roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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