Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
