my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
