Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
