my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
