your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
