I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize