He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
